Was waiting at this bus stop for a long time and getting a little irritated when i saw this. Watched this rainbow appear and disappear...


Before going for DG at Pastor Lai Fun's place, God gave me a beautiful rainbow... to remind of his beauty, love, grace and mercy.

Taking a deep breath before plunging down into the deep sea again.. Just 2 months, I won't drown.


God
God
God

ASKING BIG

God, you told me to ask big..

1. A friend's salvation
2. Family
3.Academic

There's no need to specify exactly what I want since you know everything. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

Back to reality. God, Help!

XR said something on Friday.. "why are you going on a holiday? are you suppose to be going on a holiday?" and "it just started.." (it refers work) and "you can meh"

Maybe it's because I have not gone for 1 for a long time. Was suppose to go to HK with my family last yr. Missed it. Was supposed to go with my sec school friends to M'sia and HK. Missed it. Was supposed to go with DG to HK. Missed it. Was supposed to go for chalet with VJTT. Missed it. Was supposed to go for outing with VJ classmates. Missed it. So many outings. Missed it. Spent my birthday in the hospital feeling scare instead of relaxing with my friends. Missed it. My disappointment at my inability to attend..
One after the other, I said Bye
God helped and calmed me. He sent a birthday cake with love to accompany me.
God loves me.

Maybe I am going on a holiday because my break in july was not a holiday. July was the time I was letting my body rest before it breaks down. Almost fainted on the way home one day, very scary........ and I missed a month of period. Pimples was piling up. I knew that I had to ease up. I realised that the reason that I took up so many tutions was because I wanted to catch up with my friends. They were working and learning during my "absence" and I felt like I was missing out. I felt like I had lost time. So whatever came I took.

The words so scary.. " it had only started" Make me feel like crying. Then, hui's said something during DG.. the clock ticking and pushing the person. The person doesn't want to move. The person wants to stop, to rest but not allowed to.. Compelled forward even though the person feels that the limit is reaching.
God, you are a God of grace. So even though "it has just started", I am going to REST. Because I need to continue to move again, this time faster than before.

But God, give me 2 weeks to settle my spiritual state. I will promise to answer.

Sheryl, you need to get a grip.

After spending 5 hrs doing the english project, my mind is so giddy. Not giddy because much time was spent on it, but because I breathing in too much "mist. Breathing it for 5 hrs, I was ready to puke. I think it must be psychological, it has been like that since 2006. Before that, I never felt like that.

My head is pain.. My heart feels so heavy, so heavy.

Glad I am going for chalet tomorrow. A place where I can just.. S---- and C--. Just release everything.

Study break for me... can't concentrate with everything so messy.


Lord, you said in Mathew 6.. ask and it will be given, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open.. Then Lord, I cry out to you. I am desperate.. Lord, I beg you. Spare me.

Summary of University Life



God, thank you for bring me through half of my first semester in university.



I like the fact that I get space for myself. Space which I seldom have in primary, secondary and junior college. Space for myself to think and ponder...



I like the fact that I don't have to feel bad when I am unable to make it for a CCA/Class event and make some friends unhappy because I often can't make it due to other commitments(eg church).



I like the fact that there is more freedom of choice. I can choose what I want to study and whether I want to join a CCA. So if I am too tired, I can don't join any CCA. Haha.



I like the food more as compared to primary, secondary and junior college.



I like the environment in university as compared to "violet jolly colours". It is more.. (sensitive issue.. better not be explicit on World Wide Web)



I like my cell leader in Campus Crusade. It is her sincerity that.. :)



I like the fact that I have made (less than 5) friends in university. Because it make me more independent. I, the bum, actually ATTEND LECTURES and DO TUTORIALS (except for 1 tutorial cos really no time)! ... ... but God, I am not a robot, I am exhausted.

Those who had been with me in JC will know how I skip lectures, don't do tutorials, and ask to copy their answers. I will either be sleeping in the library or in the treehouse. God, forgive me for my reluntance to die to my worldly ways. PLEASE KEEP ME STRAIGHT IN YOUR WAYS...



I like the fact that I have Fridays for driving and piano lessons. I like driving lessons cos I always talk my instructors. Haha. I like piano, relaxing man!


I am not going to say anything bad or what I don't like... In case, I complain too much.. hmmm.. once say maybe cannot stop.. haha

God, thank you for all you have done.

Lord, I was losing my confidence in you..

So thank you for reminding me..

Hebrews 10:35-36
"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised"

:)

You rescued me (On Eagles' Wings)
You rescued me and picked me up
A living hope of grace revealed
A life transformed in righteousness
Oh Lord you have rescued me
and I will soar on wings like eagles
held by your loving hands
I will run and not grow tired when on your name I call
For you are never weary
your ways are beyond my thoughts
I will trust in you with all my heart

Lord, my heart aches when I think of the new week. The mental weariness can be so unbearable and the physcial lack of sleep is making me doze off almost everywhere. I ask for your grace and providence. Amen.

Facing the Giants

"Your Absolute Best"

How Much Can A Person Take?

This is a question that I sudden thought of today. Today has not been what I call a good day. Having tuition at 8.30am at upper east coast was not exactly great and the rest of the day didn't go smooth too.. but I was glad that I ended my day with my piano lesson. I was feeling more and more depressed as the day past but the piano lesson cheered me up. Music really really lifted my spirits and now I am back to normal again..

I seriously contemplated quiting piano before. After all, I didn't attend any lessons from the 21/5 to 30/8. That's 3 months. Plus, I don't need to spend money on these lessons.. Plus plus, I don't need to spend even more PRECIOUS time in it.. So well, everything seemed to point to quiting.. But I am glad I didn't..
Maybe it was God's plan for me. Maybe.. I felt prompted to continue during the sunday sermon by Ps Caleb. One, he said something about music at the beginning of his sermon, can't remember what exactly but it struck a chord with me... Then, at the end of the sermon, he "played" the song Faithful God. Wow, again felt prompted to play the piano again... God reminded me why I started learning piano again in April: I wanted to play this song Faithful God.
Haha.. yes.. I started re-learning piano in April because of this song.. Sounds crazy.. but yes.. But thank God.. He knows me best..

I asked myself how much can I take.. how much can one take? Physically.. Emotionally.. Mentally.. I wanted an answer and I wanted it now.. But God remained silent.. Wait and took bus 63 then bus 8, got down bus 8.. still silence.. While waiting for another bus, I remembered a scene from " FACING THE GIANTS"

----- The coach challenges the boy to carry another boy and crawl across the whole football field. Before that, the boy estimated that he can only go 30 yards at most. The coach blindfolds him and he is asked to crawl. The boys crawls and crawls.. slowly, he gets tired.. His muscles were hurting so bad. He begs the coach to let him stop.. "It hurts", "It's too hard"... But on and on, his hands and legs went on.. until the end zone -----

These words spoke to me a lot
"I want to see your absolute best..."
"Even if you can't, I want you to promise that you are going to do your best.."
"... you promise me your best.. you don't quit on me.."
God's words were raining down upon me..

I come to a realisation that.. a person can take a lot, beyond what we can measure.. Although we feel tired, as long as we just lift our hands and legs with our mental, we will keep on going.. So all I have to do is to blindfold myself to the mountains ahead of me and climb... there will be more than enough strength from God. More than enough.

The human race only ends when I am called back into God's embrace. Until then, I have got to keep running...

back to my economics and japanese homework which is due tomorrow! Argh!

:) So glad it's teacher's day! only got 1 tution.. Met up with 2 of my VJC classmates.. went to blade before going for dinner. Really had an excellent time talking with them.



Talk about how the world is unfair and life is full of things that shouldn't happen but is happening, like some things that happen in VJC.. People in authority mis-using their authority for their personal "pleasure" or "motive". Jas was so shocked. She felt very strongly about the things she heard and was asking "How can this happen?... ..." Being in law faculty is really extremely suitable for her, she will make a excellent lawyer... .... haha can't help thinking of the phase pastor always use "Life is Unfair but God is Good"



Next, we talk about gays and lesbians. Do we accept them? We talk about how government policies contradict their stand on gays and lesbians.. how they say that they "accept" them in the society yet the current policy says otherwise.. But we understand the government's reasons of doing some stuff like falling birth rates, and sending the wrong messages to young and impressionable minds...... ........
We also shared our personal thoughts and views about it. Both of them accept gays and lesbians, and think that it is not unnatural.. hmmmm.. I admit that I accept gays and lesbians becos they are my friends but I think it is unnatural.
I confess that up to today I still get a "intangible" feeling about it. Even though I have experienced... ...a lesbian asking me to be her ----- even though she knows I am straight... ... a close friend telling me she was a lesbian... .. a friend who had a sex change operation... being in a girls' school for 10 years... I still am unable to understand some things. God, give me to wisdom to deal/think of those issues in a godly way because there is a very thin line between right and wrong.



Finally, we came to a more sensitive topic.. religion.. more specifically, God. Much was said.. Darius got the ball rolling by sharing about his spiritual walk (Praise the Lord for bring him back on track). We talked about who God helps and why some things happen the way it happens. Although Jas says that she is a catholic, I would say that her doubts about God were great. A lot of things she say were quite "serious" in a way "Do you believe every single things written in the bible? How can you not question? We need to question and not believe blindly..." Yes, it is human nature to question and ask.. maybe even doubt.. I guess this is all about faith. Believing in the things we cannot understand...



It's a terrific feeling talking to my VJC classmates again.. even though we are like in a tutorial discussion class.. A 5 hour tutorial session that I actually enjoy... haha..
To GOD.. God, your ways are greater than my way. Although it took me so long to understand it, I finally come to comprehend it better. Not fully, but surely.

Hi.. After DG and it's like quite late now.. but here to blog.. haha.. Actually, just now I only shared about the more light-hearted things... ... so here to "unload" the more unhappy things..

Actually, I am slightly depressed about some things... I had a few quizzes and a test for my japanese module. Although I have not gotten any of my marks back, I feel that I didn't do well for it... All these quizzes and tests are counted towards my final grade for this module... And i got depressed cos the lecturer actually put up this notice " I checked the test papers and homework submitted yesterday. The lesson test demonstrates how hard you have been working until now. I was so impressed with your effort to learn a new language" ............

Talk about being demoralised, really wished that I had more time and didn't have to handle so many things.. Feel like shouting out to God "God, you either give me more time or you get someone help me in Japanese"

Didn't share this during DG becos I was partly scared that I will start the vicious cycle of wallowing in self-pity again, like last year.. NO NO cannot.. I know God doesn't want this to happen.. He doesn't want me to cry but pick up the pieces. I have gotten myself into this situation and I must get out of it myself. He will help but I must act. He had given me so much more to cheer about.

He has given me,
More strength than weariness
More strength than weakness
More peace than fear
More joy than sadness
More warmth than coldness
More love than any other...

Because of all he had done, I can smile no matter what "shit" I receive from the world.

I can't help remembering some parts of the faith chapter in Hebrew 11 which I memorised during the Nov/Dec 2006 (the u-know-what period) "Faith is... .. believing on the things yet unseen..." Here to share this to unload and release myself for God to heal and do more great works in my life...

"It's all about KEEPING THE FAITH, Sheryl"

ps. feel that I should re-memorise the faith chapter.. forgot a lot.. haha..