XR said something on Friday.. "why are you going on a holiday? are you suppose to be going on a holiday?" and "it just started.." (it refers work) and "you can meh"

Maybe it's because I have not gone for 1 for a long time. Was suppose to go to HK with my family last yr. Missed it. Was supposed to go with my sec school friends to M'sia and HK. Missed it. Was supposed to go with DG to HK. Missed it. Was supposed to go for chalet with VJTT. Missed it. Was supposed to go for outing with VJ classmates. Missed it. So many outings. Missed it. Spent my birthday in the hospital feeling scare instead of relaxing with my friends. Missed it. My disappointment at my inability to attend..
One after the other, I said Bye
God helped and calmed me. He sent a birthday cake with love to accompany me.
God loves me.

Maybe I am going on a holiday because my break in july was not a holiday. July was the time I was letting my body rest before it breaks down. Almost fainted on the way home one day, very scary........ and I missed a month of period. Pimples was piling up. I knew that I had to ease up. I realised that the reason that I took up so many tutions was because I wanted to catch up with my friends. They were working and learning during my "absence" and I felt like I was missing out. I felt like I had lost time. So whatever came I took.

The words so scary.. " it had only started" Make me feel like crying. Then, hui's said something during DG.. the clock ticking and pushing the person. The person doesn't want to move. The person wants to stop, to rest but not allowed to.. Compelled forward even though the person feels that the limit is reaching.
God, you are a God of grace. So even though "it has just started", I am going to REST. Because I need to continue to move again, this time faster than before.

But God, give me 2 weeks to settle my spiritual state. I will promise to answer.

Sheryl, you need to get a grip.

After spending 5 hrs doing the english project, my mind is so giddy. Not giddy because much time was spent on it, but because I breathing in too much "mist. Breathing it for 5 hrs, I was ready to puke. I think it must be psychological, it has been like that since 2006. Before that, I never felt like that.

My head is pain.. My heart feels so heavy, so heavy.

Glad I am going for chalet tomorrow. A place where I can just.. S---- and C--. Just release everything.

Study break for me... can't concentrate with everything so messy.


Lord, you said in Mathew 6.. ask and it will be given, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open.. Then Lord, I cry out to you. I am desperate.. Lord, I beg you. Spare me.